Your wife knows she gets a bigger hunk of your paycheck while you are married to her than she will if the two of you get divorced. If you end up with another family to support, you'll have less to contribute to her household. A lot of women unhappy with their marriages prefer to get the next husband all lined up, before they get rid of the current husband. My guess is that your wife has been, and will continue to be, shopping for husband #3. But she's hanging on to you for security, until she has another guy on the hook, ready to be reeled in. That might take her a while. Besides the money angle, I think she is a little afraid of being alone and having nobody. Right now she's got you ready to run over whenever she snaps her fingers (or texts.)

Here's another concern she may have. If you two go your separate ways, you might end up in a stable new relationship sooner than she does. That would wound her vanity and make her feel like a loser. So I think she's going to let you think reconciliation is possible, until she gets into another relationship. Ideally. she'ld like you as a housemate for the time being, or at least available when she gets lonely and has no one else to call on.

I believe she expects to eventually terminate her marriage to you. I think that's why she has no interest in marriage counseling. She needs to stay in a perpetual state of being "aggrieved." I don't believe she's hurt and wanting you to make her feel more secure.