Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDragon
For years I worked, being perfectly normal on the outside and had a fairly normal life. I was only to keep that up by being in active denial and shutting everyone out as much as possible. It actually really worked but now I understand that's not a long-term solution.
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This. I had almost seven "normal" years. I still go back to shutting them out and active denial. The others have pointed out this is my knee jerk way of dealing with stress and it's the number one way I screw with the system. It used to work on some level but now it just prolongs pain--cycles of depression, anxiety, somatic pain... We can't let that happen now that we are aware of one another and learning to help each other. Some of them get on my case about it, while others are so used to being ignored they just stew in rejection. This has been my hardest battle in therapy and through the week, I guess because sometimes I just want to go back to thinking of myself as not having any issues to deal with. I'm really glad for this forum because it is helping me to learn how to accept this new and very different "normal."