Quote:
Originally Posted by Blaire
I need to get to where I feel okay to ask directly for help instead of trying to lure people to me. I'm afraid to be direct I guess. I'm afraid I will be denied. Major neglect issues. Maybe I test people to "see how much they love me." I will honestly admit that if I don't get the attention I want, I will employ the "well, I'll show them!" tactic and let myself fall apart. It's pathetic. Could this be a borderline thing?
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This sounds to me very much like a BPD issue; a trait even if you don't have enough of those traits to qualify for the full BPD diagnosis. I would suggest being honest with your T about this and about the abandonment fears. I understand that it will be scary to admit this. I think you are brave to admit it here. But a T is the best person to help you change this maladaptive pattern.
Hopefully your T is good enough to be able to help you, but a simple perusal of the therapy forum here will show that many Ts aren't equipped to respond therapeutically to these types of behaviours. Hopefully your T is a good one, but if not, please find a T experienced in these issues to help you (DBT might be an idea) because it CAN get better.
All the best
*Willow*