I a man going to have to agree with the others, in that this relationship and how it started worries me. However, I have a feeling that he is not abusive per se. In that, I don't think it is him lashing out as a result of his prior abuse. I do think that he is having problems due to that prior abuse and as such it impacts upon the relationship causing problems for you.

Contract are not a must, especially since they are not binding. Safe word are something I teach must always be in place, even if it is agreed that their use will result in a termination of the relationship. Even when partners get to know each other so well, they can read the subtle signs of each other's body and behaviors, there is always the potential for something completely out of the norm to occur. A pat trauma surely surfacing from suppressed memory, or a physical pain that is not supposed to be there, and isn't obvious to the other. And safe words are not just for the sub. A safe word by the Dom can jolt a sub out of subspace, when a problem occurs with the Dom.

My first piece of advice is to go look up the Submissive Bill of Rights. No matter how devoted you are to another, you must always take care of yourself first. Otherwise you are not able to take care of them properly.

The next thing is that you must question whether or not he is worth all this. There are subs for whom this kind of mind f**k is part of what they seek, the end result being worth the stress and emotional pain they go through to get there. But are you that type? This is for you alone to decide.

It sounds as if he loves you in his own manner, but his past trauma seems to be giving him issues. He may never be able to fully open up to you. If you are fine with that, then keep trying to make it work and get past this particular roadblock. But if you are wanting him to be able to say he loves you, you and he might need to get therapy.