Do you have a therapist that you could work on your issues with?

Actually, perhaps the most important question is: Do you WANT to work through your issues? I hope that does not come across as rude but having a therapist is pretty pointless if you want to stay on the path of self-destructive behaviours like shoplifting, purging, alcohol and drug abuse, etc.

I was diagnosed with BPD many years ago and do not meet the criteria for it anymore. Personality disorders are very tough to have, but the key is that you need to want to change and better yourself. From reading this post, I see someone who is going through a lot of pain but is also stuck. When you get tired of being stuck, I suggest seeking out a therapist or even trying self-help like DBT if you are not able to get a therapist. Please keep posting as you feel the need to, I wish you the best and hope you can get past this.