S is gone. He's left for Arizona.
And, he's suddenly gone 100% silent on me.
The last text he sent me...on Friday...was just..."I miss you."
Now, nothing. Nothing in 2 days. From someone I have texted daily for 3 years.

I'm crushed. I've called, texted, emailed. Because, you know, I'm insane. I honestly wouldn't be shocked if this is it -- if he doesn't speak to me ever again. He promised otherwise (hell, last Tuesday, he told me he's getting a tattoo that has emotional significance between the two of us). I hate that I have no control over this. I can only beg... beg for a response.

I'm this messed up because my new therapist -- J -- is out of town until July 7. It's just awful timing. I feel so alone, so abandoned...terrified that J is also gone for good...logic is not reaching my emotions. I'll still be at group therapy, and I'm seeing my group therapist separately this week as well... but just...

It doesn't matter.
Because I f-ing love S.
And he told me he loved me. Multiple times. Just last week.
And I don't understand. I don't understand why the silence. I don't understand what's happened to me. I don't understand anything.