Since 1994....longer than many here have been alive. Worked long stressful hours in aerospace as a computer design engineer doing mostly military data link firmware....plus some radar work. 15 years in that career & it definitely was my identity.

Contracts started ending & I ended up in a department that felt like a glorified secretary....& then the director wouldn't let me go back to technical when a position opened up. I started hitting burn out around Thanksgiving right after the company moved another 30 minutes away from my already 1 hour drive in So. Calif freeway traffic. I thought I would recover over the 2 week break for Christmas but couldn't go back. Then the Huge Northridge earthquake hit 2 weeks later & collapsed the only road available to use to get to work from where I lived & the whole valley I drove through (San Fernando valley) was like a bombed out war zone from all the earthquake damage. I tried once to go back after that riding with my neighbor who worked at the same company. 6 hour drive each way....I sat crying as I rode with him. I never went back. Applied a few places but nothing available. Anxiety turned into major depression & I didn't realize at the time but my career was also my escape from my bad marriage which made my depression worse having to be home.

I got into showing my American Eskimo dogs, & dressage riding with the first horse I owned....but my depression grew worse & suicide attempts hit as I just really wanted out of the life I felt trapped in financially as divorce was impossible with the house value & no money to live on. Ended up on long term SSDI (permanently). I was just totally messed up, the stress & depression triggered anorexia & continual migrain pain hit. Turned out I had a neck injury from a throw off a horse in my college equitation days in the 1970's & needed neck fusion which never helped the migraine pain.....I was a disaster,

In 2003 my mom was Dx'ed with stage 4 cancer. Ended up going through a horrible trauma dealing with the home care person involving the police. That stress triggered anorexia again & ended up with PTSD & my mom died in 2005. Took me 2 years to be able to go back in her house but sold it & used my inheritance to buy myself a farm 2100 miles away which got me out of the bad marriage & I was able to start on my road to healing these past 10 years. Involved in my community, volunteering at the Ky Horse Park. Have worked caring for 3 abused stallions while the court case was going on. I still have 3 of my eskie dogs left & enjoy caring for the wildlife that wanders into my life from my woods....I have a mommy raccoon & her 5 babies that came to me needing food. Love the relaxing life on my farm & the wonderful community I landed in not knowing what it would be like when I bought my little farm. Trying to get it fenced so I can get my horse here from Calif. Animals are truly a huge part of my life.

My healing started to really happen around 2011....but stressful things still set me off though better at handling life now but at 64, it's no time to go back to work. Keeping ahead of the work my farm requires is about all I am capable of....no interest in working SSDI just automatically changes to social security at the same amount....I have no desire to work at this point in my life.