I acted out really badly in my session Thursday evening. I'm trying to let it go and not get 'stuck' so I'm going to write about it one more time. (apologies to those who have already read this.) T and I are in the process of terminating (approx 6 more sessions depending on how we space them out) and well, she said she had already started grieving the loss of 'us' and I dunno why but that kinda undid me, and even though most of me knows the time is right and that my next step in growing up is leaving the security of this relationship to forge my own way in the world and I made the decision with her to do this - there's a little part of me that's angry. Angry at myself for making the decision, and angry at her for letting me and not talking me into staying. And that part was acting out by getting frustrated, crying, throwing my papers, telling her I wanted to throw my pen at her, calling my work "crap", god that last part feels about unforgivable... I was acting like a total brat. Instead of just telling her how I was feeling, I let that little angry part of me take over. At least I know she forgave me for it already because before I left she said 'i think we need a hug' and of course I hugged her. I go back on 7/5 and am going to talk about it with her. And then I am going to tell her how hard it is preparing to say goodbye. And ask her how in the world do we 'wrap up' going on 6 years of such a warm, healing, close and amazing therapy relationship that we have had?! I am not going to hide behind my brattitude this time. For heaven's sake, we've known each other a long time, it's okay to be sad about saying goodbye!! Being sad doesn't mean it's wrong. Being sad about it is human. She's helped me SO much. And I'm going to let her help me through this ending too.