i posted last night my history in abuse forum for the first time. was a bad night after that... at this point i am really not feeling safe - everything looks like an SI tool or means of an end. I really wish i didn't have to go to work today - i don't trust myself driving. More specifically, i don't trust the destructive alters while i'm driving. I am really quite alone in this - i don't even trust calling the crisis line (unsure what would happen there) and my T cannot be reached on the weekends. Not even my dr. can be reached on the weekends.
I know it is just me and my mind, like an old western showdown. but somehow that simple thought evaporates when the alters get their claws in. i have to hang on to the rational. i must. i'm gonna need back up on this one. =( my support system seems to have dissapeared.
kiya...