I'm not a psychiatrist, but I am a child who was raised by a difficult parent. I wish I could say that your mother is entirely in the wrong, but I doubt your children would be going along with her if they didn't have some direct experiences that would lead them to believe her. I think rather than attacking your mother and trying to seperate her from your children, maybe you should take advantage of this space to work on yourself. As a kid, I never questioned that my parent loved me very much, but when he was angry he truly frightened me (he never hit us, but he would yell/sulk/etc) and I felt like I needed to escape. Once I got out on my own for some time and started to get a better perspective on things, I learned that my father was only human and was doing the best he could in a very difficult situation to take care of me and my sibling. When I left his home, I thought I'd never be going back, but now we are closer than ever. It's hard for kids to give you that kind of human compassion when they are in the thick of things. Show them that you hear their concerns by respecting their wishes and working on yourself. That might mean addressing your depression, showing that you can take care of yourself, and becoming more compassionate toward your step children. Kids feel all your emotions whether they understand them or not and I'm sure that the hate your feeling toward your stepson is tangible and hurting your case. You don't need to listen to your mother's abuse, but also don't feed into it by going off the deep end, lashing out, and proving her right. Even if fixing that means checking yourself into a facility for treatment, I think that your children are worth the effort and they will see you trying. Based on how your mother is acting now, it sounds like you probably had a hard upbringing yourself and were only doing the best you knew how. Take a deep breath - you have time to work this out the right way that is healing for all of you.