I'm just now realizing what's wrong with my marriage. I write on here quite a bit usually when I'm not doing so good. I was kind of depressed for a little bit there. Some days are better than others. Anyways, my recent problems were being lonely and not having friends anymore and my husband not paying me the attention that I need. I think moving to a new place and being isolated is what triggered the depression but now I see the problem with my marriage is that I'm not the girl he fell in love with. When I met my husband I was in a manic / hypomanic state that lasted pretty much the duration of our first year. On and off. But then he got deployed for a year during which time I was severely depressed and mixed. So he basically comes home to a different person. Every since then my episodes are mostly mixed and depressed. I've had hypomanic episode's but nothing compared to that year. 2013 I was on top of the world. I had all the answers and I could do or be whatever I wanted. Thats how I felt. I dont feel that way anymore. I love him so much and we've been through a lot but I think he's bored with me now. He hated my bipolar. He's said a few times that he wishes I was how I used to be in the beginning because I was so happy and now I'm not happy. Its not that I'm not happy, I'm just not overly happy and I have quite a few mixed and depressed episodes and I can't help it. Why do I have to be this way. I can't even be everything that my husband needs me to be for him.
I'm not feeling very good right now. I dont know what to do anymore.