Does anyone else have this constant feeling?

Like there is this inner force that doesn't let me do things. "I'm not allowed". Feeling like someone has taken my powers away, some time ago.

This inner powerlessness. The first time I became aware of this feeling was in my teens, I became very depressed and constantly felt powerless.
And I'm in my thirties, and still.
It doesn't work to just "get over it".

And I wish I knew how did this happen? Otherwise I just blame myself, that I'm inherently fearful and powerless. Like I just give my potenials away because of, I don't know, stupidity and laziness.

Reason like this is why, I am not comfortable with communicating with certain people in my life. But I am more comfortable sharing my life thoughts with people who wants to listen or when they are actively encouraging me to be better everyday at life.