I can relate. I actually end up feeling guilty for making decisions for myself sometimes too.

Yesterday my boyfriend wanted to go to the pool with me but I didn't feel like it. I felt really guilty about it, even though I know logically I'm allowed to make my own decisions and don't have to do what other people want to do.

There are many things I feel I'm not allowed to do for myself but I try really hard to fight against it and do it anyway. Of course if I'm in a really self-hating mood on a certain day, this becomes even harder.

I've always been told by professionals that I have incredible difficulty relaxing and I bet this has to do with why. I feel like I'm not allowed to relax or let my guard down. Probably because I couldn't do that in childhood.