I'm so sorry you've had to go through those awful experiences

I suffered trauma too as a child and was just talking to my therapist about how I seem to be scared of and hate 'everyone' now as an adult.. She explained to me that when you experience traumatic events, the reality of those situations gets split into the unconscious because it's too much to handle all at once.. You kind of end up living in two different realities, your present gets overlayed with what happened in your past. So even though you're with someone you know to be safe today, the closeness or anything that reminds you of the traumatic event makes you react as if you were in that situation again.. It's very exhausting and difficult to handle, I know

My therapist says that when you start to become conscious of what happened before, you can then start to see what belongs in the past and what's about the present moment. I encourage you to talk to your therapist about this - I know it can be extremely uncomfortable, but just know that YOU have got nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to the abuse you suffered. Absolutely nothing! It's your abusers that should be ashamed. Do your best to try and open up to your therapist and let her help you - you deserve to feel better