While I attempt to clear my conscience, I would like to apologise to more people - dot English and her cuz, we were thick as thieves together. Well at least one of us got our comeuppance eh Karma sure has a grudge against me.

Maybe some people will return the favour some day. Because I am not going far anytime soon, I'm too tired, of trying, of everyone, the rat race, the office politics, the failing, the dole office putting me on courses I kicked off for telling the truth, the ghost of my past cropping up, but why should I move from my home town?? I am done with the council for threatening to repossess me when I cannot pay my arrears with no job, and it is not my fault that the housing officer is never informed as his staff are a bunch of p"£cks.

So I am going to tell my doctor my situation. My mother went ape s%^t when I quit my job but I was harassed and in this hillbilly town, if your face doesn't fit, you scratch my back.... So I have had more jobs than Tom Nick and my colourful past makes getting a job really hard and holding onto it even more impossible. No-one wants a pity f%^k. My job before the last one wasn't enough hours to keep my head above water yet too much for me to get any state help. Where there is a will there is a way, I struggle daily to find my optimism as who wants to deal with a sour puss. My friends taught me one thing, if someone whines or drones on no-one listens, but if you scream, shout, plot, action over words, suck it up, get over it, grow a backbone, have a mind of your own, be a leader and not a follower .....

I feel better than I have ever felt but I am not out of the woods I know that. When you have slept walk through life, or like Gil Scott Heron said
"the kid who kept f$%king up woke up one day in appalled revere" And realised that who they thought were the good guys were in-fact not....