Ms. Lizette,

I apologize in advance if this is a triggering post. You are not alone in how you feel.

I can empathize with you.. I have a question that perhaps might sound irrelevant, but I recall you saying that your husband wanted to attend a session led by professionals who teach about Borderline Personality Disorder... Did your husband end up going? I ask because I want to make sure your husband understands and empathizes with your fears / anxieties. That is paramount.

Forgive me if I sound ignorant if you have already shared the reason why you don't work, but can you tell me why you don't currently work? Are you in a low-point right now or is this all based on the economy?

The best thing you can do is do something for yourself; get your own job. Not out of spite or for revenge, but to give yourself something to concentrate on other than your husband and what relationships / friendships he may or may not make at work.

Distractions is huge, but also doing something for YOU. Build your INNER STABILITY outside the confines of your husband. You need more than your husband in you life otherwise you will only feel worse. I know how hard this is to do because I have had to do it before, but the more you start doing for yourself and your own career / aspirations, your own personal network of friends / supports, the less you will care what your husband does at work.

At least this is what has worked for me in the past.

The thing I have come to realize through going through similar attachments in the past is that I can quickly lose myself and my identity inside an intense attachment / relationship. I no longer think about myself or my own life, the entirety of my focus is on what the other person in the relationship is doing, saying, thinking, feeling, etc... It is an obsession. Everything revolves around that other person. It is like a drug and it is profoundly painful. We can quickly smother those closest to us. When I catch myself doing these things I need to take a break from that person, whether that be mentally or physically... My emotions are telling me to cling, but I need to do everything in my power NOT to cling and instead, I need to take a break. (Opposite Emotion Action) Not to avoid, but to re-prioritize and FIND MYSELF again... Me. I. (As in you, YOU are most important, NOT your husband) Take time for YOU. Alone time for YOU. Look at YOUR childhood pictures. Reconnect with the inner child, WHO you are. Go spend a day or two with YOUR family or old friends. Revisit safe places in life or when YOU felt that life made sense, if it ever did... What are YOUR goals and aspirations? What do YOU want to accomplish in life outside the relationship with your husband? Something that was there before you ever met him. That would be, YOU...

Your husband is married to you for a reason; he loves you. Rest in that. The most important relationship you have is your own relationship with yourself. Work on that and this will start to lessen. Love yourself. You are lovable.

I hope this helps,

Thanks,
HD7970ghz