RoboT,

I hate that I'm attached to you. The fear of attachment part of me wants to test your loyalty to me. I want to put you through hell the next time I see you to see if you really do care like you say you do. I mean, if you cared, you wouldn't have left me like this, right?

But here's the thing: I recognize that's why I'm upset with you. I want to force you to push me away so that you fit into my narrative that everyone will eventually leave me. Because who could ever really care about me?

So here's me saying that I'm going to fight against the urge. I don't want to fight you. I don't want to try to make you leave. I'm going to accept that no ones life revolves around me but my own. I can't control what you may or may not do. But what I can do is recognize that you have not done anything to truly violate my trust in you. When you have pushed the boundaries, you've apologized appropriately.

You said that you'd see me on the 29th of July. You said you'd bring photos from your vacation. I just need to trust that you're being honest.

Is...is this progress? I can't tell.

Daisy

PS, I'm convinced I have BPD after listening to a podcast about it last night, but I doubt that you'd have this conversation with me. You don't "put stock into diagnoses." But I wish you would. Because I feel like I need the truth.