I keep thinking... I must be imagining things. It must be stress. It must be ??????? It will all go away...

-.-

But no... the cycle is even accelerating. I know it's finals. I know its major stress time. But I've always been able to deal with stress in the past... not always. But when I look back it's just gotten progressively harder. Again, thoughts come to mind that it could be just that my life has gotten more stressful, but then I realize that if I weren't feeling down, and basically unable to focus for a day, two days, etc... the stress would be way down. I'd be done with my work. I'd get so much farther... I just don't know. And now... there REALLY isn't that much stress... I actually have a lot of free time. But all that time is filled with these... bad moments

I was happy for a wonderful day, or maybe two, last week... I had a horrible moment and then a friend made me smile... the next day was so nice. Almost normal, except I was so drained from the days before it. Then bang... that lack of feelings... that horrible nothingness and worried feelings...
and Thursday night... i cried for the first time in a year or two,... couldn't get to sleep stayed up so late I HAD to fall asleep. The next morning no emotions whatsoever again... and I can't cry anymore *back to normal* it's just been so bumpy.

But I'm still afraid to tell anyone... I KNOW mentally that that's a major problem... but just like I isolate myself and hide in my room on a normal basis... I just can't tell people.
I'm considering going to the school therapist sessions... but... I'm afraid someone will see me go in, or that I'll clam up completely in the session...

thanks for letting me rant..