I was in An unconvential relationship for seven years practically married. The man was still a virgin at twenty one and i was his first experience. Took him three minutes, he punched the wall n told me he loved me. So i should have cut n run.
The second time we slept together something odd happened. In missionary i was a bit bored, n his eyes rolled back so i could only see the whites. Then suddenly he took his hand and pushed my head over the edge of the bed till i went between the bars n he tried to put one of my legs up to my shoulder n i stopped him horrified. He acted like nothing had happened.
Another time he spaced out and whispersd in my ear " this time i am going to shoot you up your a#$@ just like piggy told me to do" and again he denied he ever said it.
Do not ask me why i never left this man, its a very long and complicated story. People thought he was a saint too so i doubt everyone would believe what i have confessed. But i had to share . A problem shared is a problem halved. I just dont know how to articulate this to a therapist.
I slept with a girl recently and i must attract these ppl with demons on their shoulder cause she would act nice then whisper " i want to bend u over" n " want to make u come." What makes people think i am willing for these things in the sack. I offered her tea or coffee n morning but she strolled off saying " walk of shame" and i didnt feel great for days. I then got needy like an ex i felt sorry for when i should have took it at face vaue. I dont know how ppl can do one night stands.
I want someone i can kiss n cuddle all night. I dont think ill have sex for a while ill abstain.