Hi, I have a couple really weird fears that make me very paranoid, anxious and maybe even a little delusional. One of those fears is one day having acid thrown in my face. I have always had a fear of this kind of thing as a child just from watching the news and stuff but It was never something that I was paranoid about of thought of often until a few years ago. Out of nowhere words, phrases and photos in the media, online or anywhere really would start to stick out to me. If I ever heard the words acid, facial reconstruction, Fire etc. they would jump out at me for some reason. I started to see things as signs of some sort whether the news report or conversation had anything to do with an actual acid attack was pretty irrelevant.

Recently I have been only noticing these signs after making a major decision. I have been out of high school for 2 years now and need to make a career choice but my fickleness, my social anxiety and these delusions have made that difficult. Whenever I decide what path to take in terms of schooling and career choice I swear the day of I am faced with some kind of acid attack story and I interpret that as a warning sign telling me not to take that path. I know it's crazy and I don't even really believe it myself, I know my mind is probably just playing tricks on me. There is still a little part of me that does believe it and that little part is enough to second guess myself.

The only time I don't think I was faced with this after making a choice was when I wanted to be a firefighter so I saw that as a sign that I should be a firefighter. Huge problem though! I have high anxiety and fire is one of my major fears. I even find it hard to sleep at night in case the fire alarm in my building goes off. Fire is one of the things I'm paranoid about but my delusional side thinks that it would be a good career choice because I wasn't warned against it by the universe or something. It's crazy, and I know it's crazy.

I would rather just go to uni, study history and get a museum job or become a writer or high school teacher. Logically those are better career choices for someone like me but delusions are not logical and when I made the decision to apply to university for history, I saw an article about some poor woman and her cousin in London who had acid thrown in their faces and obviously I saw that as a warning sign to not apply to university and to not become a teacher. So I chickened out.

I know I shouldn't allow my strange beliefs to dictate my life choices but I can't help it. I'm terrified of making the wrong decision so I'm left here for another year not knowing what to do with my life. Should I just listen to my delusionsand get myself involved in a career that is not fit for me at all or should I be more rational and just do what my brain tells me to and choose a more suitable and enjoyable career? The answer should be simple but I'm a crazy person.

I can't see a psychologist for a while, maybe within 6-8 months but I need to know how to at least cope and push these delusions aside for now. I'm going to apply to an adult high school to upgrade my marks since I have a whole year to apply to uni now anyway. I need to know what courses to take ASAP. Could someone please just convince me to make the better decision here. How do I push delusional thoughts to the side? Thanks, especially if you took the time to read all that gibberish