Ok Dr. S today is the day. Our last day at the clinic. Do I ask for what I want, do I just accept what is given? How do I find the courage to ask for what I want when I only have 50 mins to get there? I don't want to feel what I am feeling - which is what I consider the verge of a panic attack. 7.5 hours to go. Sigh, gulp.

I feel the little boy, lost and afraid. I see me, in my adult body, behaving as I do when I feel this way, so pulled into myself, not looking or seeing the world, self soothing through touch and repetitive movement. I can see how lost and sad I look. I don't know how to engage the other parts yet when these feelings are so intense.

Don't leave me alone here like she did. Please take care of me today and help me understand what these feelings are, help me learn how to come back from them, and not get trapped in them.

I love you, I'm scared to trust you, will you be there for me?
-E