It's hard to know what to say without knowing what's going on, but I've always struggled to have a healthy relationship with my mother. What I have been working on lately (and the jury is still out as to whether it's helping or not), is to try to stop thinking of her as a mother and start thinking of her as a person (independent of all relationship to myself). When I try to approach our relationship as a daughter, I become so angry and hurt over all the things a mom should be that she just isn't. But when I can approach her as a person, I not only can see her through more compassionate and understanding eyes, but I also can disengage from the expectations that cause me so much pain. Wishing you love, luck, and healing. <3