I swear I can't take these bipolar cycles anymore! I knew it during last manic cycle I would be very very very suicidal within a week and its here on schedule! I can't understand how it happens like a clock. It's like someone does or says something to me on schedule that kills me and from there I can feel something in me building up and up and next thing I know I'm doing something bad to myself that I can't type here. How can this reality be real? It's like I'm trapped in a virtual reality torture game that's programmed to have someone do something to me on schedule.