I apologize for not replying much in either of my threads, and here I am, again. I should lie down because I have a headache, but it's either email T right now, or start another thread.

Nothing is wrong but I just feel sad about my life. Also tired because I keep going to bed way too late, and getting up way too early. I wish I had a partner, someone to love and to be loved back. I like my independence, though. I told T I'm overwhelmed, and she said she understands, because I have to do everything myself. Mostly I feel wiped out now.

It could be because of something I did in the session. I can't give details because they would be identifying, sort of. But we talked about how I have to feel good about how I look, that it should not matter what T thinks. I told her that I shouldn't have to feel that people like or don't like me because of my appearance, because I don't think it's true. But I feel that way anyway. I'm not grossly overweight, just 25 to 30 lbs. T wants to know if I have a health reason to lose the weight. Being skinny, she doesn't understand how hard it is for me. I'm not that motivated, and I feel self-conscious with T more than others but, yes, it would be nice except that I like to eat. Diets don't work.

It's not about the weight anyway. It's about everything. T says I dissociate when I don't pay attention to her. She says it's easy to notice, and I do it less than I used to. She says I "go away." I don't want to do that, so I tried to look at her and stay focused the whole session.

I told her I never want to separate from her, and she asked if a part thought maybe I "should" leave at some point. I said "yes" but no parts want to quit seeing her. I don't know why I ever have to leave. As I get older, unless I marry again, I'll need more help coping with growing old, not less.

Sorry for this depressing post. I'm going to lie down now.