Hello nb: I'm sorry you have become caught-up in these most difficult & confusing circumstances. You mentioned you were molested multiple times first at the age of 5 & then again between the ages of 7 through 9. What you are struggling with now is almost assuredly an outgrowth of those experiences I would have to believe. You are not to blame for this & there's no reason for you to feel guilty or ashamed. You were basically still just a baby when you were molested. You should have been protected. But you were not. That is in no way your fault. You're not a pedophile.

Sadly, I'm afraid the only way to get past this may be to talk your way through it, in real life, with the aid of a skilled mental health therapist. Preferably it should be one who is experienced in working with victims of child molestation. It may take a bit of trying to find the right therapist for you. Not every therapist works well with every client. But if you can find someone you feel comfortable with, that is likely going to be the best way to move beyond your present state of confusion & fear. Being here on PC, & writing about what you've experienced, may help too. But I do personally think that working with the right mental health therapist may, in the end, be the best solution.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

P.S. I don't know what the "Bad referrer-Access Denied" thing is about.