You're going through a lot of changes that are traumatic and are going to take a lot of time to process. There must be so much racing through your mind, but for the time being, try to go easy on yourself and take things one step at a time. Seek help sooner rather than later by calling 911, if you are feeling like hurting yourself. It is better to be safe than sorry. Things can definitely get better- it's just a process. Please remember that, and take care. I hope you get the help you need. I know everyone feels different about this, but I believe a therapist is especially important during periods of crisis like this. You need all the support you could get right now. These changes are a lot to work through, but little by little, you'll find yourself coping better. Irrational and self-destructive thoughts are common during times where someone is most vulnerable. Please hang in there and take care of yourself.