Ignoring that you have feelings is not dealing with anything. Also, having feelings is not the problem.

The problem is allowing feelings at all times, especially at times when it's either not appropriate, or even when it puts you in a bad place or a state of danger.

For example, I would let my feelings and empathy run amok. A Facebook "friend" noticed this, and used it against me. She cried about how she had cancer, and nobody cared, and she had no money. She BEGGED FOR HER LIFE for me to help her.

I did. Eight months and $30,000 later, I figured out that it was a scam.

Now, is it wrong to feel badly for someone who has cancer? Absolutely not. But when these feelings take over, it can be dangerous, especially for a Codependent like me.

I'd also get my feelings hurt at work sometimes, which wasn't helping me. I had a friendship with my boss, or so I thought. But in the end, it was a one-way thing that was all in my head.

What I had to do was to learn how to save my sympathy, empathy, and other feelings for those whom I trust. The people who have earned my trust and respect.

The OLD me would often times be encountered by someone at the gas station, begging for money. They'd have a sad story, and ask for ten bucks. I'd feel badly for them and give them $20. One time, I even commented that they seemed to need it more than me.

But the NEW me utilizes BOUNDARIES to protect myself from people who may have ill intent.

This came into use, once again at the gas station. This guy comes up and says, "Excuse me, sir." He called me "sir," which is a sign of respect from people I know, but it sets off a red flag when it comes from complete strangers. I put my guard up.

He had this dramatic, sad, and detailed story about how he's from somewhere else, and he's in town visiting his relatives. His wife is pregnant and they're desperately trying to get home, but he got robbed and needs some gas money.

The OLD me would have felt horrible for him and I might have even swiped my card at the pump and told him to fill it up.

But the NEW me caught a red flag, turned off my empathy, and put up my guard. Instead of FEELING his story, I LISTENED to his story.

My response was, "I'm sorry to hear that you got robbed. The GOOD news is that since you're still IN TOWN and your relatives live here, you can call them up and ask them for help. Hang in there."

This was the FIRST time I'd ever said NO to a stranger in my entire life, and it felt great. I caught someone who was trying to BS me, and I protected myself appropriately.

You have to view it as protecting yourself, because that's what you're doing. Having feelings at this volunteer job does nothing to serve you, and it's feelings wasted. It's like being in love with someone who doesn't even know you exist and giving them all your love and thinking about them constantly. What good does it do? It only hurts you.

For me, the keys were self-respect, boundaries, and saving my inner feelings for the people who deserve this type of energy from me. It doesn't happen over night, but I'm living proof that it can be done.