i was seeing a therapist for like a year... but she couldn't help me, she terminated

she said i could come back, but i dont see what the point is if she cant help me;
she was getting frustrated with me...

i would go in, talk... she would say something and it wouldnt do any good... and it was like we were not getting ANYWHERE

i make more progress talking to friends... i liked her a lot but i guess it just wasnt a good process for me... i think it made things worse...

now they are trying to get me to see a new therapist and i just want to take a break for a while... so i dunno what to do...

kind of tired of talking about stuff... repeating myself... going through the past...
not getting anywhere... keep opening old wounds up... not healing... making things worse...

i guess i bottle things up, but its like anger is forbidden to me... there was a lot of violence in my childhood growing up... there still is alot of violence around me today, its ******** violence but none the less its there - triggering me

when it comes up i just feel like there is a cap put on me.. my mouth becomes sown shut... im unable to speak but my inner voice goes crazy... talking to me, telling me things, yelling at me... saying to say this and that and im talking back saying i cant... trying to ratioinalize with the inner voice that wants to explode...

its like having multiple versions of myself that i have to fight with... fighting for control... and i will black out and have had the angry version of myself take over and i dont remember what happens when that happens besides the end of it when i start waking up and coming back to and be cursing someone out or throwing something or breaking stuff or something extremely out of character...

anger is forbidden to me... its locked away, deep inside... its a sepperate entity all together and does what it wants to do when it comes out... without my consent...