Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
i was seeing a therapist for like a year... but she couldn't help me, she terminated
she said i could come back, but i dont see what the point is if she cant help me;
she was getting frustrated with me...
i would go in, talk... she would say something and it wouldnt do any good... and it was like we were not getting ANYWHERE
i make more progress talking to friends... i liked her a lot but i guess it just wasnt a good process for me... i think it made things worse...
now they are trying to get me to see a new therapist and i just want to take a break for a while... so i dunno what to do...
kind of tired of talking about stuff... repeating myself... going through the past...
not getting anywhere... keep opening old wounds up... not healing... making things worse...
i guess i bottle things up, but its like anger is forbidden to me... there was a lot of violence in my childhood growing up... there still is alot of violence around me today, its ******** violence but none the less its there - triggering me
when it comes up i just feel like there is a cap put on me.. my mouth becomes sown shut... im unable to speak but my inner voice goes crazy... talking to me, telling me things, yelling at me... saying to say this and that and im talking back saying i cant... trying to ratioinalize with the inner voice that wants to explode...
its like having multiple versions of myself that i have to fight with... fighting for control... and i will black out and have had the angry version of myself take over and i dont remember what happens when that happens besides the end of it when i start waking up and coming back to and be cursing someone out or throwing something or breaking stuff or something extremely out of character...
anger is forbidden to me... its locked away, deep inside... its a sepperate entity all together and does what it wants to do when it comes out... without my consent...
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You really need help with this. I hear what your saying and some of it resonates with me and from what I've learned. I do PE therapy , where we go over traumatic events over and over and kind of desensitize my emotions about it. It's hard, and even makes things worse but that's part of the process to healing. It's not easy and not suppose to be. What we are dealing with are traumas, not casual incidents. You really need to keep working with the T and understand this, you have to work through trauma, not around it. Otherwise you are wasting your time. I've wanted to give up several times but have made myself stay no matter how uncomfortable it is. I listen to the T and pretty much do what she asks, there's a lot of homework with this type of therapy. I hate it, but I want to feel better, so I do it.
I think a person has to be ready for therapy too. If you are not willing to put in the time and effort, and really work at it, then the therapy is not going to help. Some think that just showing up at the T's office and her waving a magic wand is going to change things, it's not. Actually they are not there to heal you. They help you work through the problems and give you tools to manage them. I learned this the hard way. Because I thought the just going to the T would heal me, and the T said I wasn't ready for therapy and I didn't have a clue what she meant because this was my first therapy experience. So that was a hard lesson learned. It made me mad and I thought I would never go back to another therapist. If she had explained it to me it would have been easier, but she didn't and I think it was for the best to look for another T.
I'm sharing this because I think you and I were a little alike in some of these therapy situations. I can not stress enough that you need to get a T to help you work thru this. You may be able to do it on your on but it doesn't seem to be working out to well for you. Plus a therapist will speed up the process, though it still may take a long time to work through all the traumas.
A young Southern gentleman deserves to feel better
Healing takes time, be patient with it and work hard to reach that goal.