It is very challenging to talk with someone who doesn't fight fair and uses blaming and "you" statements instead of "I", etc. I like that challenge though, it helps me develop and mature myself better (I'm 57).

Everyone is growing at different rates than everyone else. There's not much point in trying to match wisdom or maturity levels. Are you never going to talk to a child ever again? Do you not know a much older adult who treats you with respect and as "yourself"? I have an aunt who will be 86 in April and I still remember when she came to visit when I was six and how thrilled I was because she talked to me and treated like she did everyone else, like her and my relationship and communication was special.

The only way you can truly help another person is by being yourself. You sound like you are hurt by your friend's treatment of you but I think the solution lies not in making your friend change but in becoming more sure of yourself. I applaud your learning to use "I" statements and seeing the differences in your conversational behavior and your friend's but what you can "gain" from being friends with her is not over! Were you sure of yourself, you would not need your friend's "confirmation" of you, her noticing and "copying" you. You would not need a third person to be part of your discussions so you could be sure of yourself, that you were actually practicing "correctly" and not making any "mistakes."

If I told you "your mother wears combat boots" you would not care, it could not hurt you much because you do not know me and I do not know you or your mother. Your friend saying it would bother you more though, perhaps, because you know and care about each other. However, knowing the "truth" of whether she wears them or not and how you feel about that truth is the only thing that will make you truly "immune" to that comment, no matter who says it. Currenly, if it were true, you'd probably feel a bit defensive, maybe give a "So what!" or maybe a defiant, "I know!" response to make it look like you didn't care or weren't surprised by the "attack" you felt. If a good friend were to say that to me though and my mother wears combat boots, I'd immediately be looking at the hurt I felt and Me, what I felt about my mother wearing combat boots, why that was a trigger for me. I wouldn't be thinking about the other person and what they may or may not have been trying to do in saying such a thing to me. I can't know the other person's motives and feelings unless I ask and they tell me; I'm not the other person.

It sounds to me like your friend is triggering you and you can either move away from the triggers because, face it, they're darn uncomfortable and painful to feel, or you can look at the trigger and dismantle it so it is no longer a trigger.

I think you are more mature and have grown more than your friend but I think you are not certain in your own heart that that is true or permanent or something of that nature. Were I you, I'd decide whether I wanted to get away from those triggers for a bit until I was older and felt a bit more comfortable with myself (maybe) or whether I wanted to tackle some of those hard questions/problems now and make sure that I'd be more comfortable with myself later.