Thanks Hopeless2015,

I understand what you are saying about staying on the meds. I get it they were given for a reason and I should take them no matter what as they are helping and I am aware of this I really am. But then my head tells me I don't need them and I am like nah its cool I can cope/manage without them. I have been off them for about nearly a week and there is no difference in me. I am not manic more "stable" at the moment.

I feel depressed thinking about getting a job but equally I am dying for a job. I do volunteer so I am not a complete bum. I do feel like a bum though most days. Plus I think about my suicide note I wrote years ago every day. I can't get it out of my head no matter how hard I try and I am aware I must of been really really ill to be thinking like that. But I get frustrated that I am still here but that I am letting it haunt me

I feel screwed up if I am honest!