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I've got some nice cheddar cheese to go with this whine.
I feeling like a not very good friend today. Actually, I have a mild case of "life sucks" today. I posted about my friend's kitty having to be put down Monday. I'm trying to be a supportive friend, but am feeling drained dry. I was supposed to go to my friend's for a few days the end of the week. We were going to dinner for my birthday and just going to hang out. She cancelled because she is so down about putting Ciara down. I understand that and am cool with it. Still, I turned down an invite from another friend because of the now cancelled plans. So instead of doing something for my birthday I'm here hanging out around the house.
BTW, a huge thank you to everyone here for the well wishes. I can't express how it makes me feel.
The thing is, this friend has a history of cancelling plans. It gets old. I understand she wants to be alone while she grieves. I prefer to grieve by myself too. BUT she's calling me 3 or 4 or more times a day about what's going on. While Ciara was alive it was to talk about Ciara's health. Then since she put her down she's calling for support. I'm drained. I don't have anymore to give. I know I'm not a bad person for it, but I feel rotten about wishing she'd stop calling me or at least cut back on frequency and duration (each call lasts at least an hour)
I'm dealing with my own grief stuff this week. I mentioned before that Ciara's death opened up old wounds for me. I miss my mom. I miss my husband. I miss the army of fur babies I've lost.
On top of all this I didn't sleep worth shyte last night and am exhausted.
GERD woke me up at midnight thirty for a trip to the bathroom to upchuck what felt like everything I ate for the last six weeks. Then I couldn't get back to sleep, brain was going a million miles an hour. Gave up. Got up and watched a couple of hours of TV and fell asleep on the sofa. Woke up a couple of hours later to upchuck again. Crawled into bed and got a few more hours sleep, but feel like the walking dead.
Okay, enough whinging....
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