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Old Dec 16, 2007, 01:58 PM
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Perna Perna is offline
Pandita-in-training
 
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 27,289
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Campanula said:
rather than asking - where is this leading? How much time a day do you think about your T? Is this healthy? Is it helping your mental state? Does it impact your work? Your marriage? Do you sometimes feel obssesed?

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Those are very valid, important questions; why do you not ask them? There is nothing unsupportive in asking genuine questions. It is only in believing one knows the answers for another person that harm can come.

If you are curious about where I believe my relationship with my T is going or if I am sure/feel my relationship with my T is healthy, etc. that is one thing; but asking what amounts to rhetorical questions, not being curious about the other person and their experiences but trying to suggest a certain answer, that is not supportive of the other person. Encouraging me to ask these questions of myself is good; suggesting you know the answers to these questions for me is incorrect. Only I know or can find/determine the answers to questions that I am asked.

If I have had what I believe to be a similar experience with my T that you relate to having with yours (and I was sexually abused by a T so I know about poor boundaries) and think your T is "great" or not so great, I can agree with your experience or tell my opposite experience so you are aware of it but when someone else does that with you, I do not want to fall into the trap of then making experience an either/or, black and white thing! Not all hugs by therapists of any client are boundary crossing and bad! Not all experiences that I relate as I see them are necessarily the way the therapist sees them or even as they are! My "love" of my therapist may be a fantasy in my own head. I have loved my therapist intensely as others relate having done and my therapy with that particular therapist turned out extremely well, if I do say so :-) I was sexually abused by a therapist but ultimately did not come to harm from that experience. That is not to say all therapists should sexually abuse clients and boundary cross willy-nilly! That is just to say that my experience worked out well for me in the end.
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