I'm starting to feel like I can't face anyone. The one person in real life I can talk to, i can't anymore, i end up so low that i cannot meet with him anymore. Last week i went out with him and lasted all of 15 minutes before I started crying. I cannot face up to talking about how I feel because I don't feel strong enough. But this is only professional left for me. I don't fit in a category and so treatment is not clear. i have many diagnoses but for some reason i dont fit or something. I don't care about this, but it has meant i'm never seem to be in the right service for treatment.

I feel like i'm attention seeking, which i am, but because i scare myself. I want someone to make everything ok. I know this wont happen though, its up to me to change withother's help. I cannot stop the thoughts, the images in my head and the feelings that seem to choose me, i don't choose them.

I wish the days away, hoping that one day things will change. I know I have to do it myself, and I can't wait for everyone else to solve my problems. So it's my choice, and i'm yet to decide. I've had so many people try to help, yet it fails, because I don't have the strength, I am weak and ashamed.