Make a list of 5 simple things you want to change that you can work on changing. Wanting someone else to do something, as you've said, can't help you. Don't worry about stopping the feelings, work on working with things the way they are.

My husband laughed the first time I was upset and crying because I just kept on talking, kept on trying to explain and tears were streaming down my cheeks the whole time. His ex-wife is a woman who shuts down when she cries, can only cry when she cries. Can you work on talking out loud when you're crying, still saying how you feel, getting angry at feeling that way, etc.? Practice it by yourself for awhile. I think some of the crying is getting in your way, helping you shield yourself! Just let it be; don't worry about it being there, don't help it or hinder it or even think about it at all; just keep concentrating on whatever it is you are thinking/saying/feeling when you start to cry. That will take away its negative uses for you but won't hurt your situation.

How could you become less scary to yourself so you didn't have to "seek attention" (I use to call suicide hotlines when I was at a loss of what to do because I didn't have the words to explain myself and get help any other way). You are beginning to get a little self knowledge; sit and write down/figure out as much as you can about yourself, like me knowing I was not "attention seeking" in a negative way but actually helping myself to get the attention I very much need the only way I know how -- when I understood that I felt better about myself and better able to at least say that to helpers so they would understand me a bit better too. There are a lot of helpful "clues" about yourself in your post above and they're all positive things, "real" things that you are doing, through your symptoms you have chosen, that tell you about yourself and that you can use to get a handhold on your life and start climbing the ladder up to where you want to be.

Make a list of your wishes and then another list of 1 tiny thing about each wish you could do to help yourself or 1 thing the wish itself tells you about yourself. Just doing a few "exercises" of this sort can help you feel stronger and more in control!

Keep posting here, keep trying to understand. That's all any of us can do for ourselves and to help others.