(First, know I only swear when manic).

8 days ago I lowered (with permission) my clozaril dose from 275 to 250. I was fine although there were minor sleep adjustments that I was getting used to and weren't problems.

Last night I didn't sleep. I was up until 6:30 and then slept 5 hours in 2 2 1/2 hour chunks. To get that sleep required an extra mg of klonopin and 200 mg of gabapentin. I forced myself to get up and be active so I'd be tired tonight.

I had a migraine which is a problem this time of year. I go from 2-4/month to 15-30/month. I eventually took vicodon which should have increased my sleepiness. I took meds at 7:30 as usual. It is now 11:30 and I'm agitated and wide awake and anxious and agitated, hypomanic I think. I should be completely out of it.

My med change apparently didn't work. But it's so weird it was fine for a week. I tend to get manic this time of year but usually earlier so we thought it was safe to try this. Obviously not.

This is so bizarre. I am so sick of meds.

I am stressed about ending my career for good and something to do with my therapist but neither of them are enough to upset me into mania.

I hate this feeling. I want to go pace around outside but my head still hurts and moving makes it worse. I am going to wait a few more hours and if I don't fall asleep I'm going to take whatever PRNs I have to to knock myself out, even if it means I'm out for tomorrow.

Bipolar sucks.