hey t. i'm feeling a variety of things at different times, grieving the end of 'us' sometimes and celebrating our success at others and every feeling in between it seems. last night while i was swimming, i had the pool to myself, so i was talking to you quietly as i swam, and feeling really melancholy, but as i continued swimming laps i started feeling strong again and by the time i got home and got ready for bed i was smiling and happy and knowing it's right. it's so weird. and all day today at work i was fine and didn't even think about you at all. tonite i am, of course. anyway i wonder what's going to unfold when i'm there on wednesday evening? i know you said 'just let it unfold' but i feel like we need to kinda plan a little bit at least. if nothing else, the scheduling. i think i want us to do a sand tray together sooner rather than later actually. i think it will help me if we have time to process it after the fact instead of waiting until the last session. i'm not going to stop letting my feelings come as they will over this, because I certainly do not want to wait until after our last session and then completely fall apart. oh i do not kid myself, i'm going to be a mess at our last session - but i know i'll be fine. we actually are lucky you know. to be able to process the loss of this relationship WITH each other. i don't know what it's like for you. it must be something like a 'normal' mother would feel when it comes time to let her child grow up the rest of the way and move out? i do think you were right last week. i was growing sitting there. at least until i started the temper tantrum thing. you're the best, t. and we've made an amazing team on my behalf haven't we?