Boring doesn't help although I'm doing it. I'm holding off on the PRNs until I'm tired enough they'll work. I will go back up on the clozaril tomorrow; I needed to be sure that was the problem so I didn't take it tonight. I am so mad; I really wanted to be less sedated and maybe lose a little weight from the clozaril. Guess that won't be happening. I waited well over a year between trials of dose reductions so I'm really sad this failed. And the timing is amazing. My therapist is away but I had a back-up in place who has seen me before. I'd go in to see her but they are closed on Fridays and on this coming Monday and Tuesday. I see my therapist Wednesday so the soonest I can be seen. Not that they can really help, I just feel like my brain is flying and would like to have some help grounding it. At least my head stopped hurting.........

Funny my annual June mania played a trick and waited for the 28th to hit. Usually it is early in the month and quite predictable. But I missed it last year and this year only went up a tiny bit and then stabilized so it seemed like the clozaril was holding me. We should have waited to lower it.

Now I remember why I stopped caffeine. I used to use caffeine to make myself feel ike thiss. Now I hate the feeling. I want to do something and I can't figure out what to do. Which is good; I need to stay calm, not tackle some big project in the middle of the night.

Ugh. I do need to email my pdoc. Maybe I'll try to do that since it will take work to make it concise and with a point. Rambling is not really effective for her.