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Originally Posted by rainbow8
Yes, I've lashed out at my Ts and they haven't liked it either. You'd think they would be trained to accept that kind of behavior. Did you learn anything about that in school? They should know it's not personal but my T likes to say "I'm human." When I lashed out at her about her skinniness, she told me she felt hurt. I admit what I said was horrible and I apologized more than once.
I lashed out at my first T too. I said I wanted to choke her with her necklace! I was new to therapy and discovering transference. She told me I couldn't say things like that. They made her crazy! She was young and inexperienced, and got help from her supervisor. She later apologized and said she should have handled " that material" better.
I saw her more than 30 years ago and found her recently on Psychology Today. She was a good T and is still practicing so she apparently learned more skills.
I assume you haven't asked your T about your thinking she's an alcoholic. Is that still bothering you? I also think anger and rage should be expressed in therapy and I think it's a good sign that you are feeling those feelings. T's like us to wait for the session so they can redirect the rage and anger to those in our lives who make us feel that way. Hang in there, Mona. Lots of hugs to you!
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Thanks Rainbow
I haven't confronted her or asked her because I feel it's none of my business unless it affects my therapy with her, so far it hasn't and she is doing a good job bar this empathic failure. I am starting to think that I am not made for therapy. I seen to drive therapists crazy after a while, even the competent ones.
I felt bad for her afterwards because she is a nice lady and yes she missed this one time and there were so many times she did have empathy and understanding, so much and perhaps because I am so used to her hearing all of me that I was shocked by this one time she didn't hear me.
I agree our ts are human but they should be able to put their own feelings aside enough so as they don't get in the way of their clients feelings. I have often felt like choking my last t and I wish I could have told her like you did. I think there is a lot of learning here for me and t in this going forward.
That was young and inexperienced but I am sure now that can look back on your experience together and take a lot from it.
I remember one of my clients telling me she wanted to punch me in the nose, I could feel my own feelings rising and my natural reaction was to laugh and of course this made her even angrier. I apologised and asked why she wanted to punch me in the nose, it turned out that that I had missed something very important to her, it wasn't intentional it's just I went down the wrong route, I missed her in that moment. Had she not of wanted to punch me in the nose I never would have known what she was really telling me, she found it really hard to express herself and often said things in a long incoherent sentence and I went with the wrong thing. We still laugh about it because it was the first time someone hadn't reacting defensively or gotten aggressive back at her. I think my t got defensive here and reacted from that place within. I know that she cares though or else it wouldn't have bothered her that much, maybe this is me testing her!