I struggled with a very hostile, distant, emotionally abusive father. I became an overachiever and a perfectionist to 'earn' his love. I never did. I remember at his funeral, his brother said he's always been that way and I replied I thought he just didn't love me.

I wish I could say I've reached your level of enlightenment but I can't. The scars and habits are still there and it's been 15 years.

Kudos to you for your break through. Best wishes.