Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
I have this uncontrollable rage inside me lately. I am being triggered by everything and everyone. I really felt like running away from my new t but instead I lashed our and dumped a load of anger at her. I sent her a text right after my session last week. She didn't write back but during my session this week she said that it had a huge impact on her and that it's unacceptable to make her feel like that. She said no more texting and if I could try and contain it until our next session. In a way, maybe I did want to hurt her and it was acting impulsively but I thought that therapists can and should hear everything we have to say even if it's not positive. Yes, it had an impact on her but she also had an impact on me that's why I was so angry.
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My rage was in a dissociated part. I had learned as a child to control it by not feeling it, cutting it off, and perhaps by directing it against myself.
I am not impacted by other people's rage against me. Maybe because of the dissociation(?), which I may have learned/developed in response to dealing with my mother's rage toward me?
I AM impacted by other people's shaming, blaming, rejecting, condescending, etc. attitudes toward me. I would much prefer that a therapist lash out at me in response, if she/he feels a need to do something -- I would at least have a chance at understanding that. The other stuff just shuts me down, and I learn/understand nothing, except that the therapist is not to be trusted.