I've been where you're at before. My first long term love and I broke up and it was really a healthy break if you take all the circumstances into consideration, but I was so devistated I couldn't get out of bed. I sobbed harder than I've ever sobbed, endlessly, for days, weeks. It felt like my arm had been chopped off. To be honest with you, I ended up pleading with him to take me back, and he did. But things were never the same after that. The damage was done. We were happy for a moment, but then we became incredibly insecure with each other. We always felt like we were one wrong word away from being back in that nightmarish hell that was our breakup. We dragged it out for a long time after that, both afraid and disconnected, but also both afraid to step away. In the end, it became unbearable to be together. Don't get me wrong, not all relationships end up that way. Maybe you even need to go back and finish learning the lesson your relationship is here to teach you. But, if you can find the courage, you may save yourself a lot more long term heart ache if you can clench your teeth and bear through this difficult time. Wishing you the best of luck, care, and love. <3