I, I, I along with anger DadFMF. That's not going to get you anywhere. You are looking at the advice the wrong way. Also, no one is saying your wife is without fault herself. This is why it's important that the two of you have some counseling.

This is the thinking that got you in trouble in the first place. The "history" is what you learned how to do, and part of that was not appreciating what you had remember? You have to learn how to "have" a relationship and you know what, this is something a LOT OF PEOPLE struggle with including YOUR WIFE.

Now, think about how you just determined how EVERYONE posting to you is saying your effort to salvage your marriage is wrong. That may be how it "feels" to you but that's not fact. Personally, I have been trying to respect that about you and help you. I think you are a nice guy but you do need to learn somethings and I know you are trying but you have to learn to set aside your ego and have an open mind when anyone tries to look at what may be taking place from your wife's perspective. And no one has said all her behaviors are good, she has made some mistakes in her effort to "find her own identity".

When she talks about things she has experienced with her friends, that's a way to listen to her intently because in the mix she is talking about things she enjoys and is discovering about HERSELF. When you learn to listen you can pick up on important KEYS to what makes her happy so you can look for ways YOU can participate in doing things your wife can enjoy. This is not the stereotypical flowers and cards, this is different. If you only listen thinking about yourself not being there, you will miss learning how to be with your wife in a new way that you have not done with her in the past. She is NEVER going to go back to how she just serviced YOU, YOU, AND THE CHILDREN. She was lonely and did not have things for herself.

She has been nervous about exploring, so she did what a lot of people do, she drank and I was concerned if that is developing into a problem as that is how a problem starts. It's using alcohol to be less inhibited, which you yourself have noticed that when she drinks she's more affectionate compared to when she doesn't. She has some low self esteem challenges that she is trying to overcome. She has made some mistakes, and I think she even got hurt. She reaches out to you, but if you can't step up the way she needs she will not want to work at it. The fact that she has agreed to counseling is a good sign. But you still have to be CAREFUL and not slip into your old ways. I can see you are trying and I am trying to help you but you have to learn how to not get angry and defeated just because you have not figured out how yet and that includes learning how to listen without getting jealous.