Okay here goes.

Given that in the last few days there were 3 posts with "love" in the title in this forum, and I was one of the authors, I figured I should jump in.

Campanula, I am so sad for the painful way that your relationship with T ended. It sounds awful.

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rather than asking - where is this leading? How much time a day do you think about your T? Is this healthy? Is it helping your mental state? Does it impact your work? Your marriage? Do you sometimes feel obssesed?

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I would like to answer your questions.

1. This relationship is hopefully leading to my integration as a whole person who can function productively and independently.

2. I think about my T all day long. Yes it's very healthy. I have conversations with him in my head. It's called internalization. It took forever for me to get here and I'm not giving it up anytime soon.

3. My mental state is a whole lot better than it was before T.

4. It has helped my work and improved my marriage. I am now employed full time--was afraid to go to work before--and I am more tolerant, more loving and more accepting of my husband. I always loved him but now I am better at validating his feelings and knowing how to separate my adult feelings from those of my childhood

5. Yes, sometimes I feel obsessed. I hope to explore these feelings with T and search for meaning that is relevant to my life.

As far as boundaries are concerned, my T has very strong boundaries, he has assured me of this and I have told him how safe his boundaries make me feel.

Without the component of love, I would not be able to heal. Without love, we are simply changing behaviors, but not the true self. It is my opinion that love is an essential component to the alliance. Transference, erotic transference---yes, the whole package is necessary---that is why it is also essential that T's have experienced psychotherapy themselves, have strong boundaries and a strong sense of ethics.

Then they can reflect our feelings for us and open up the path to healing on a deep level.

Oh, and my T is not in my plan so I get a reduced reimbursement. I also see him more often than the plan pays and I pay that out of pocket.

I would give up Cable TV, Telephone, hmmm (electricity?-maybe)
for therapy. My life depends on it.

Peace