Ok, so Monalisa asked what did I want from him - and it's a very good question.
I'm in the middle of that Janina Fisher book you recommended, Mona, so I'm
going to try and look at it in parts, because I am very fragmented about this..

Part of me wants him wants me to keep a solid professional distance, because I get very scared when he comes too closer shows too much interest. So no heroic measures - I just want whatever the professional response is.

But I also want him to keep his word - that it is ok for me to get in touch, that he understands there literally is nobody else right now, and that when I do reach out, he understands I'm often so far gone that I CAN'T directly ask for what I need. And I have asked him directly, when I am able to, to help me stay alive. We've talked about specifics around this, and he has said it is not asking too much.

I don't think it would be asking too much, under these v specific, and (hopefully) time limited circumstances, for him to send back a quick one line response to acknowledge he got my email; let me know his day is booked, and ask if I am OK, and if he could talk on the phone even for 5 mins, to offer me a time to do that.

Fair enough to leave it all day if we hadn't discussed it and he genuinely didn't have a clue that I was in trouble. But right now this feels like yet another example of him saying he cares, but acting completely differently to that. I don't think I'll be brave enough to bring it up with him when I see him next (I would cancel, but it's too short notice). Because as much as I feel that what I would hope from him is reasonable, part of me feels very demanding.

And I know he checks his emails multiple times a day, presumably between sessions, because when I have emailed re scheduling or billing issues or when I am running late, he is very quick to respond