I'm such an idiot. Ever since DM and I have changed 'texting boundaries' I have had a difficult time with it. She wanted to know my day so I would text her about my day therapy or non-therapy related, we ended the non-therapy information, and just strictly therapy now. Well..... I have (clearly) had a difficult time with this so during the day I text like I would have used to and delete it. It helps, childish? Sure. Helpful? Yes. Nightly I send her a general update and she doesn't respond like 97% of the time. I write the update how I want to send it, and then delete the parts that are 'no longer allowed' and move on with my night....

Except tonight.

I sent the whole thing. She responded asking a question because I said that was stressful, but didn't explain what - because I wasn't going to send it - so she responded: "What was stressful?", because that could be therapeutically related. So I had to shamefully write back - baseball, I didn't mean to send that it was just on my brain.

So now I am trying to calm myself down and not freak out that she's going to take everything away or that she wishes I would just go away already, etc.

Damn it, I wish I could take my sedatives tonight....

****ing emotions I ****ing hate them.