What if you just leave? Go somewhere new. And if you can't right now then make that the goal and go do it. It worked for me once. I had nothing else but the desire to start new somewhere else. And that's kind of what you want too isn't it? Dying might seem like one answer but there are more out there. Like finding a new place to start. Just one goal at a time. If you don't have a way of making enough money to go somewhere then see about easy jobs or maybe financial aid to go off to school. Something to go somewhere and get away from the things hat plague you right now, and then maybe eventually with enough time and space you'll be able to reflect back on now and the places and people that surround you and see that all the ****** parts are just things that make us stronger in the end. I still break and I still have hopeless days and nights but at the end of a tough string of days maybe there's one that's not so bad as the rest, and that means that's one more battle won and for the next battle we just need to figure out a new course of action. You're already stronger than a lot of others, and won more battles. And the more days you battle it seems like the war will never end, but it always does. And once you reach that point you're the warrior that defeated the evil inside your own mind. That's how I look at it anyway. I watch a lot of dystopian and war shows and that helps me some too on the day to day. I relate to the characters just trying to find their way and falling down over and over again. And they want to give up too, we all have those days. But they keep picking themselves up and fighting because they know, like we all do somewhere inside, that as long as we keep fighting there's better days on the horizon.