I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist? What was the diagnosis and did he/she prescribe meds? This would be my first step. You sound like you may have depression, anxiety or both although I am not a doctor just to be clear. A good psychologist would really help you. I went through 10-12 before I found one worth her weight in gold. Keep trying.

Also post here often for encouragement and support. Best wishes.