I think it could be helpful to share what we have figured out about our respective experiences and how it's worked to resolve these feelings or to get to a stage where they are no longer painful. I am interested in all theories and ideas about erotic transference, but am personally a firm believer that the source is not the same (i.e. what those old psychoanalytic theories generalize) for everyone. I believe it can be highly individual and the best is to figure out what triggers and alleviates it for each of us.

I have not experienced very intense, consuming ET in therapy, but most likely only because by the time I started therapy, I was 40 years old and had been through a lot of experiences and investigations in that area. I experienced many intense rounds of it when younger, mostly with mentor type people. What I have learned: for me this transference was a form of identity search and desire to evolve and to merge with my own personal values. I habitually developed ET to people that I perceived similar to myself, but a more experience, evolved, wiser, more mature, more successful version. People who seemed to embody what I was also recognizing in myself but not satisfied with how it manifested in my life and contributions. Of course often it was not much more than my imagination and projections and the people were not really as mature and evolved as I wanted to see them. It wasn't about longing for care and nurture in my case, more this desire to be aligned with my internal values and aspirations. So the best way to alleviate / resolve it, for me, is to work on myself and do try to develop myself, to get closer to who and what I want to be. It is basically a self actualizing desire for me, and if I work toward that in my own life, I don't long for it in others and via relationships, even though I usually recognize similar inspirations in others and feel drawn to it. I really think it is this simple for me.