Since people with unipolar depression only experience lows, what is it like for them when they eventually feel the closest thing to a "high" as they can with having depression?

I know the textbook definition of clinical depression is basically alternating between being at a sort of baseline and falling into depressive episodes.

But I was diagnosis with persistent depressive disorder (dsythymia) first and then eventually experienced my first depressive episode, which I guess meant I graduated to major depressive disorder.

Or I dunno, maybe that just means I have both now, like a double diagnosis and just frequently experience bouts of double depression.

I intentionally thought that once having my first depressive episode that would mean I no longer had persistent depressive disorder and just major depression disorder, except for the fact that where with major depressive disorder you kind of flip flop back and forth between stable normal baseline periods of times and low depressive episodes, I don't return to normal baseline.

I remain below the baseline all the time and just revert back to my low-grade but chronic depression.

I've been dealing with my depression and depressive episodes ongoing for about 5 to 6 years now and I don't even remember what it is like to really be at normal or a baseline. Nevermind feeling a high state of anything.

The best way I can explain it is on a scale from 1 to 10 with 5 being the baseline. When I'm in a depressive episode I'm at a 1 or 2 but when I'm not (so my normal I guess) I can be a 3 or 4. I rarely ever make it to a 5 and when I do they are really spaced out. In the rare occasions where I experience a 6 and dare I say 7 (which I can't even remember experiencing) it's because I'm under the influence.

The only time I can describe feeling something remotely close to a "high state" for me is when I am feeling so mind numbing void that I become restless and it manifests through irritation. Something very close to a mixed episode.

And idk why I'm even really writing this, but I just, I dunno.

Do any of you guys who deal with depression deal with alternating stages of lows and then also experience really spaced out but brief moments of irritability and restlessness?

Or something similar to what I'm trying to describe?

How do you deal with it?

When I get like that, the best way to describe it is just being like one or two pushes away from snapping but never really getting there. I'm always so measured and controlled, even in states like that. I can never let go.
And I don't know if I'm getting away from the topic here and straying into something else, but I don't really have anywhere else where I can talk about this.

I don't feel like I've gotten my point across clearly here, but it's hard to explain it and get it written down in this form.

Comment/share your thoughts?